Don’t Read This Blog Post.

Posted on Mar 11, 2010 in Child Development, Featured | 6 comments

I am so pleased you ignored my message and decided to read this post.

I just finished watching the new ‘Jo Frost’ (SuperNanny) parenting show and today she touched a nerve, my big nerve, the one that once rattled doesn’t leave me alone.  It runs from my ‘I am not happy’ nerve all the way to the ‘I am now really really upset’ nerve.  So I had to write this post…stick with me here!

Today she must have said the word DON’T more than I have fingers to count.

Do me a favour just now, and DON’T think of the colour purple.

What did you do?

I bet you thought about the colour purple, whether or not you were aware of it.  You see the brain works in fabulous ways and in order for us to understand what NOT to do, we first need to understand what TO do. Therefore, we have to think about the colour purple in order to understand what not to do.

Another perfect example: Remember the title of this blog post?

So now imagine saying ‘don’t’ to a child.  The child has to try and understand the subject before he/she knows what not to do. But our little angels whether they are two or ten, sometimes don’t have the stamina to get back to concentrating about the word don’t after thinking about the subject, so the subject becomes important and off they go.

The brain is also a mighty curious creature, that’s how it learns. It loves to be stimulated. So when you say ‘don’t’ do something our brains can be curious.  With age comes understanding so as adults we have the capacity to not do what it is we are told (or the choice to do it anyway given the consequences).  Our little angels generally can’t understand the consequences of our don’ts.

Don’t is a negative.  No, is a negative, think of more negatives and start saying all these words to yourself.  In no time at all your mood will change.  Now run that same script on our little angels and soon the little devil starts to surface.  In my experience positives get you so much more in return than negatives and ‘don’t’ is one of the worst.

On the show, this poor six year old girl was being hounded firstly by her Mother “don’t do this, don’t do that” then in comes Jo (all with positive intention) and ruins it by her constant “don’t do this”.  If only she had turned her don’t into a do.

Oh we love do’s.  The brain loves do’s.  Its so positive.  And who doesn’t like a positive.

I have already seen it in Pickles, and she just two.  Thanks to a really rough two weeks with tummy bugs and what-nots, my exhaustion meter burst at the seems a week ago and I suddenly found myself being a ‘don’t’ Mummy.  The change in Pickles was pretty much instant.  Even at the tender age of two they can be affected by ‘don’t’ and I quickly found myself with a little rebel starting to surface..

So next time your little angel is about to, or is doing something you don’t want them to do, think about what it is you DO want them to do and say that.  My perfect example has been over the last few days.  Thanks to exhaustion and the inability of my legs to get moving quick enough, I kept saying ‘don’t’ throw the dog food over the floor’ to Pickles.  Oh how the thought of having to get the broom out for the millionth time drove me potty, and not the plastic kind!  So instead, I said to Pickles ‘that’s doggies food, lets leave it in the bowl’…fast forward to today and the dog bowl has sat there in silence and Pickles now has a little angelic glow.

Oh, and DO pass this on to anyone who might enjoy reading it.

Jay Marie