Some days I want to curl up in a ball.

Posted on Apr 23, 2010 in The serious stuff | 3 comments

Just like the Charles Fuge, Vicki Churchill book, Sometimes I Like to curl up in a ball!

‘Today is a bad day.  Today I feel alone.  Today…I just want to hide’ I thought curled up under the duvet.  ’Where are you Mum?’

I lay in bed curled in a ball listening to Pickles and Daddy downstairs doing the morning rush.  I pulled the covers up over my head and sighed.

It’s not that anything is wrong.  It’s just some days I wake up and that gaping great hole in my heart is unbearable and all I want to do is curl up in my Mum’s arms and have her cuddle me.

I am 37 years old and have been without my Mum for eleven years now but it still hurts some days.  It’s worse when I think about what Mum is missing getting to know Pickles.  Arrgghh it makes me angry!

Tomorrow I know I will be able to look at the photo of Mum sitting on the veranda back home in OZ, drinking her cuppa tea, and I’ll smile at it instead of feeling bitter and angry like today.

Some days, like today, I just want to curl up in a ball and stay there for a while.

But today my sorrow was broken by the most beautiful sound.  ”Mummy, where are you” in her almost perfect speech came up from the bottom of the stairs.  ”Mummy” she shouts.  And our responses echo back and forth as our little conversation goes on and my ball fades and I can’t stop grinning.